


Leaving Earth

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mass Effect 3, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:25:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6842629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Reapers descend on his home world, Kaidan knows there's one place that's safe, and where he can make a difference. He's not quite prepared for the initial shock of returning to the Normandy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving Earth

Organized chaos would have been the best description for what unfolding before his eyes. The Normandy was in disarray, but the crew was scrambling to maintain control and survive. Some had tears streaming down their faces as they said silent goodbyes to family, friends, and home. Others seemed to find solace in barking orders and expletives, trying desperately to ignore or forget what they’d just witnessed.

Kaidan had nothing but respect for them. As he moved up from the shuttle bay, he saw soldiers clambering to make sure that all duties were covered. Everyone was moving into place where they belonged in order to push forward. They had jobs to do, and though it seemed that the end of days was upon them, the focused on what had to be done… just like their commander.

The Major himself felt a little out of place. He hadn’t intended to join the Normandy like this, but when Reapers attacked Earth, there was no better place to survive and fight back than the most famous frigate in the galaxy. He had mixed feelings about the vessel, having witnessed its predecessor and commanding officer destroyed over Alchera years ago. The new and improved version was just familiar and foreign enough to be unsettling. He admitted to himself at last that this was the biggest reason he hadn’t boarded it since its stunning return to the Alliance. He was ill-prepared to face the dark memories its striking layout would stir.

The Normandy was now far more spacious and technologically advanced than the version upon which he’d served so long ago. What had been quite a sensation before was now a magnificent marvel. Given what Kaidan had heard, Shepard had gone to great lengths to improve further upon its Cerberus-funded redesign, to give it the best chance to survive travel through the Omega 4 Relay. Now, boarding its elevator, he was torn but thankful that the Normandy and its commander had returned stronger than ever.

Kaidan tapped the controls without even thinking, a familiarity that he found surprising. When the doors opened and “DECK 2” was clearly displayed on the console, he swallowed hard. It looked so very familiar, he almost felt sick to his stomach. In the original Normandy, he’d wandered through explosions that were actively blasting the bridge apart. Here, however, was the new version, untouched and pristine. He felt as though he’d gone back in time.

His gaze drifted far beyond the CIC, to the area where he knew Joker was frantically working to pull them well beyond the reach of the Reapers. He took a moment to appreciate the refined hum of the engines that served as the backdrop to the loud chatter of the crew at their stations. In another time, he would have joined in, monitoring the ship, life support systems, shields, weaponry, communications, and various other aspects of FTL travel, but he found himself without a concrete place on this frigate. The Normandy had moved beyond him.

A figure moved in from the corner of his eye and drew his attention as if by instinct alone. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched Shepard step up and begin plotting their course on the map with practiced grace. Kaidan wondered, suddenly, how many times he’d paused to watch her doing this very thing all those years ago. He remembered, too, in his darker days, how he would have given anything to see this sight one last time. Somehow his shattered heart felt like it was breaking again.

Chaos continued around her, but the Commander’s attention was focused intently on what she was doing. Humanity depended on it, he supposed. Kaidan, feeling suddenly very out of place and awkward, considered heading back down on the elevator, but there was nowhere in particular that he needed to be and this was the best place to receive updates on what was going on elsewhere in the galaxy. Honestly, he had expected Anderson to join them, which would have helped him to find purpose on the frigate he’d ardently avoided for so long.

Though his gaze roved widely across the deck, his attention remained somehow locked on the woman running shaking hands through her hair. She gripped the railing with a white-knuckled firmness that hinted at her tension, gone utterly unnoticed by the rest of her crew. He could see that all-too-familiar slump in her shoulders that she’d carried as she’d stepped up to face Saren. He noticed that same sad furrow in her brow that she’d worn when they’d escaped Virmire, leaving a friend behind. She bit her lip as she weighed her options, evaluating the pros and cons, just as she’d done for all of the vital decisions in the time he’d worked with her when lives were on the line. The recognizable habits of a woman he’d loved and thought dead for so long hit him hard.

Shepard seemed to feel eyes upon her because her gaze abruptly landed on him as she finished plotting their course. A momentary softening of her expression caused his heart to skip a beat, as much as he wanted to ignore it. Had he seen longing in her eyes? Regret? Relief? He couldn’t say. Just as quickly as she’d looked his way, she forced her gaze elsewhere and covered herself with the indifferent visage of the Commander.

Kaidan stepped forward out of instinct, knowing he should say something to her. An apology for not visiting her when she’d turned herself in to the Alliance? A question about how he could help? A joke to cut the tension? His mouth opened, intent on saying something of importance, but nothing came of it. He felt like a fool, but the feuding emotions in his gut won out over his rational thought. He simply stood there, in front of Shepard, searching for words that would never come.

She studied him for a moment, and she, too, seemed conflicted about what to say. Ever resourceful, however, she managed to find the answer to at least one of his unasked questions. “We’re heading to Mars, Major.”

He nodded in response. She paused as though she was going to say something more, but appeared to think better of it. Instead, she opted to quickly leave the galaxy map and summon the elevator. She had work to do and plenty of people to oversee at the moment, he reminded himself.

Trying to find closure on their relationship was going to have to wait. After Mars.


End file.
